Curses:

In Ohio, we are preparing for another round of arctic blast. On Sunday, we had an unexpected 6” drop of snow. No one had talked about its arrival. It was just here. I was outside around 11pm walking Dixie…nothing. At 8:30 am, MOFO 6 inches of snow. Today, it’s almost melted, and then, this morning, I got a text from Mr. Yes asking me if I was ready for the 4 to 8” that was headed straight for Ohio. SON OF A BITCH. NO. WHO IS EVER READY FOR THAT WHITE CURSE??!?

In the meanwhile, on FB, I see all these bloody pictures of people from Ohio or Indiana or Illinois on BEACHES. SERIOUSLY! BEACHES. Now, you can’t say, “Fuck off, you entitled bastards.” You have to LIKE or LOVE their sunny Florida pictures because if you don’t you’ll suffer an eternity in this arctic hell. It’s bound to happen. It’s not like I can start a Go Fund Sarah’s Tropical Vacation, Go Fund Me. Can I ask someone from the Bahamas to adopt me during the Winter, and I will adopt them during the Summer?

Actually…..maybe we can…..🧐

Well, outside of seeing all of these glorious vacation photos of all my semi or quite wealthy friends in their beach scenes, I am getting HAMMERED by workout success stories. At this point in my life I have come to accept that I have a greater chance to mentally change the weather than I do of being able to change how I look.

It’s the strangest thing….we have entered the world of body positivity on steroids….and I’m all for that, but then, I see all these FB videos of incredibly overweight people going to the gym, lifting weights, shedding weight like I shed hair, and showing how AMAZING they look now and how horrible they felt before they lost weight. Yet, here I am, exercising and dieting like I was getting paid to do it…not losing ANY weight.

I saw one video today where an overly muscular man promised that if you did cardio for 120 minutes a week, you’ll shed weight and get in shape like him. Normally, I don’t respond, but I couldn’t help myself. “I swim 4 to 6 hours a week, and I haven’t lost a damn pound. And before you say calories in calories out, that didn’t work either…and I’ve been on every other possible weight loss scheme, and they didn’t work either.”

He messaged back had I cut carbs.

HA! Of course, I had to explain the allergy elimination diet and how that cuts out everything, including your heart and soul, and I only lost 20lbs after 3 months. I explained the absolute misery of not being able to socially engage in ANYTHING, EVER again wasn’t worth it, and so I quit that diet. I am now trying the cycle diet. One day, I eat carbs…within reason. I’m not going through a drive thru for a tub of ice cream or eating a bucket of donuts. The next day, I have NO carbs. Let me just say, those are bad days for me.

Today is a no carb day. That means…no morning pumpkin bread. Actually, I didn’t eat until lunch. At that time (and I showed this to the FB dude), I had one taco. I didn’t eat the shell. I did, for the first time in 6 months, eat cheese AND sour cream on the taco…because those are no carbs….but it did break my no dairy trend.

Then, after eating that solo taco, I went and swam for an hour at the gym. About an hour after that, I picked up Gabby and we did an hour of lifting. Then, we had dinner. I ate a grilled chicken salad. Since, Gabby is doing this diet with me. She got the grilled chicken wings.

After seeing all these people in videos lose weight, eating more and lifting less, all I can say is, “BITE ME. Oh, wait, you can’t. I’m too high of a fat content, and you’ll ruin your diet!”

Tonight, as I was eating my grilled chicken salad, I began to realize that FB is showing me all the shit I want and can’t have. Is that what it does for you too? I want to go to fancy Galas with my handsome husband on my arm, but what is the chance of that happening? There are people who are getting new puppies or just had a new baby, and I’m like, “Damn! I want that too!!!” There are family members riding horses on their ranches. (They worked for it.) Wouldn’t that be nice? Vacation homes. Ski Trips. Snorkeling in far off places. Cruises. Amazing jobs. Loving husbands/boyfriends/wives or girlfriends.

Then, there’s me. I post about how my water bottle tipped over in my gym bag, SOAKING my bra and underwear that I was supposed to wear after my swim…because I had a doc appointment that I had to go to as soon as I finished my swim. The panties that I had brought, even though I don’t have a period anymore, were period panties, and DAMN those things are absorbent! My bra was even more absorbent. Apparently, the bigger the cup, the more water it holds. (Who would have thought it? 😝🤦🏼‍♀️). I hung the panties in the locker to dry, but in a genius move, I took my bra into the sauna and lay it out in front of a bunch of women…mumbling how I was going to leave it there because my water bottle leaked and soaked it.

No one said a word. SURE. Like it’s never happened to any one of them before…right! 🤨🤣

Anyway, the entire time that I was swimming, I kept thinking someone was going to steal my 38DDD bra. I kept trying to remember if any of them looked like they might fit it. OR I thought that they wouldn’t want it in the sauna with them….someone’s bra….sitting…who knows the last time I washed it…It’s not like they would know…and so I was thinking what THEY might be thinking…so they would take it out of the sauna while wearing their biohazard gear and throw it away. OR what if it started steaming because it had THAT much water in it. I could imagine it steaming and hissing while they sat there, and they were probably thinking it was going to BURST into flames, so the fire department was being called at THIS very minute. It was just a matter of time before they were going to walk through the pool room door and let me know I had to vacate the premises with my steaming undergarment.

I lasted 24 minutes before I left the pool and went to check on the status of my bra. I walked into the sauna. It sat there. Jesus, it was hot in there. It looked and felt dry to me. I took it out of the sauna. NOPE. SOAKED. But, it wasn’t nearly as bad. It felt like there was only half a cup of water still left in it. No one else was in the sauna. I could only imagine they left because the bra started steaming. SO, I did what any brilliant person would do; I took it back into the sauna. This time, I stretched it fully out on the bench, and I left to do the rest of my swim.

Then, I started to imagine what someone would think when they entered the sauna to see an unattended bra laying, fully extended on the bench. It was so extremely obvious that it didn’t just fall out of a bag or was dropped there.

THOSE are the types of stories that I post to FB. I’ve been on FB for years now, and I can honestly say, I don’t know other people posting about those types of stories…well, I take that back. I do have a friend, Katie…that’s her real name…she’s ALWAYS posting stories like that. I think Katie and I are soul sisters. She just doesn’t know it yet.

Anyway, last Thursday, after I met with Mr. Yes, I had a meetup with another FB friend…Cynthia. I didn’t quite know what exactly she did when I friended her. I know she offered “healing” sessions. I was interested in accepting healing sessions, but I had just got slammed with the government audit. (Again, it has nothing to do with taxes.) I didn’t think it would take so long to get resolved. To be completely honest, it shouldn’t have. They did some sketchy things through my local government branch. It meant that I had to take a VERY extended raincheck for a meeting with Cynthia. That raincheck got cashed on Thursday.

She had slashed her rates by 60%. She had 10 spots open. I got one of the spots. On Wednesday night, she explained that she would actually be able to extend my spot from 30 minutes to an hour, if that worked for me. I THOUGHT that meant that she was giving me an extra 30 minutes for free….that’s not what she meant, but I didn’t know that at the time.

When I started the meeting, I asked what she did because I really didn’t know. She explained she did energy healing. She explained that we are all just energy…everything on the planet and in the solar system is energy, and we’re all connected.

I can’t disagree with that thought process.

She believes energy is absorbed and transmitted, physically and mentally….through thought, feeling, words, music, etc. I don’t disagree with this either. We KNOW, scientifically, that when groups of people pray, their energy changes the environment or can physically change the energy of the person that it is meant for. They’ve done experiments looking at infrared wavelengths around people that pray and the person that’s being prayed for, and they have seen intensity shifts.

She explained that she is an energy healer. She went on to explain that she works with angelic and celestial sources of energy….good and bad…clearing negative and positive energy away from you if you have it, in order to bring you back into alignment.

Ok. Then. This kind of starts to push the edge of my belief system a bit.

I do believe aliens exist. I saw a UFO when I was a kid. It is what it is. I think, with the whole CIA/FBI files being opened up about the UFO encounters that have been proven, we have to recognize aliens are real.

I do believe that aliens have been visiting Earth for thousands of years. My personal belief is that our jump from Neanderthals to humans happened because of alien science experiments. Just like we are fucking around with other animals and plants—creating identical clones of sheep, pets, genetically altering embryos to give people certain characteristics, aliens did the same experiments on Neanderthals, and they got a modern human.

Yep. That might sound fringe. It’s ok if you don’t believe it. I was having a bit of a hard time accepting Cynthia’s expression that celestial beings (aliens) can influence our lives on Earth. Is it possible…well, if you’ve watched enough alien documentaries that show they’re using telepathy, then, maybe.

It kind of goes back to that meditation video I provided. The person that created it talked about celestial beings and positive and negative celestial beings interacting in our lives and cutting ties with them. I thought that was kind of quacks, but Cynthia seemed to be throwing down the same vibe.

In my opinion, was it beyond the realm of possibility, no. Do I believe it as absolute fact, nope. Not at all.

However, the thing that made me sit up and take notice of Cynthia’s reading..almost immediately as she explained what she did and what forces she fell in tune with to do it, was that she had just had a healing, energy cleansing herself. A friend of hers was doing energy healings for free. This particular person was new to energy healing, and so she didn’t feel experienced enough to charge people for any services that she does. She noted with Cynthia that there was a family curse. It had happened generations ago, but that negative energy followed her family tree.

HA! You all know I’ve mentioned my belief that there was a family curse that was placed on my family. What I haven’t ever explained was what it entails and why I believe it. I didn’t believe it initially. My Aunt…an extremely pious, no nonsense woman…and I have no doubt that she doesn’t believe in much of anything, outside of religion, was approached by someone who was a “psychic”. This stranger explained that she had to tell her about a curse that she sensed on our family. She explained that it impacted first born girls in our family.

Now, no one has ever told me exactly what the curse entailed, but I have no doubt I know. I explained to Cynthia that I, intrinsically, know the curse was placed on a man in our family, generations ago. The first born woman of every child born to him from that point forward would experience sexual assault.

And that has happened. I haven’t checked with all of my first born female cousins, but I know of a lot of them have had been sexually assaulted- including the Aunt that was first told of the curse. She was the first born girl of my grandfather. I found out a few years ago that she had been sexually assaulted. Her first born daughter was sexually assaulted. Another of my first born cousins that I am close with was sexually assaulted. I was sexually assaulted as my first experience. Gabby was assaulted. This has happened to my cousins when they were younger…pedophiles..and when they were older.

Cynthia felt that I should work with the person that she had just worked with…and the bonus, this person is free. She’s not charging for her work. That said, I haven’t heard from her yet. I do hope to.

Now, I am scientific in nature. SO, there’s the part of me that thinks….if you think it will happen, it will happen. That said, my Aunt heard of this curse long after she was sexually assaulted, my cousin was sexually assaulted, or my other cousin was sexually assaulted. My Aunt never disclosed any of the details of the family curse. I just feel it was involving sexual assault. The scientific part of me knows that the statistics say that 1 in 4 woman are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Though, this might be a low estimate. In my family, on my Paternal side, the number of sexual assaults is much higher than the reported norm.

I don’t know if any of my other unfortunate circumstances are linked to it.

Yet, Cynthia and I, both, understand that energy comes with thoughts and actions….good and bad. When you get angry at someone and wish them harm…even if you don’t really mean it, it is an energetic bond. It has an energetic reaction. You can wish someone love and blessings…that has a positive energetic bond. It carries a positive energy.

Even modern medicine understands, in limited ways, that a negative experience can influence your physical and mental being, and that experience can cause physical illness. If you are in a horrible car accident where someone you love dies and you were driving, it can cause everything in your physical and mental space to unravel.

For years, if I mentioned that I was sexually assaulted, my docs..like my gyns, told me that the source of my ongoing abdominal pain was from that. They wouldn’t search for any other physical cause to the pain because I had been sexually assaulted when I was 18. They had been taught that significant traumas can manifest in physical ailments. That said, they were full of shit. My abdominal issues were from endometriosis. However, some spiritualists would argue that the endometriosis occurred because of the trauma.

But, I did start having severe abdominal before I was sexually assaulted. I just thought “cramps” with your period was normal. SO, I truly can argue it both ways.

At the end of the day, I did have an hour long session with Cynthia. She was reassuring and kind. She offered to pass my information on to the curse crusher. The way I see it, if it works, AWESOME. If it clears my mental space, so I no longer wonder about, it’s worth it, especially if it’s free.

She picked up on the fact that I was dealing with a bad headache after meeting with Mr. Yes, and I was. She picked up on the fact that I have something blocking my throat…and I’ve been having throat issues since August. She picked up that there was things going on with my female parts—gyn areas, and I do. Now, she is a FB friend, but she has about 8,000 FB friends, so she’s not FB spying on me to where she would be able to pick up on the gyn issues. She noted that I was struggling in my dating life…definitely true there.

She doesn’t know Nichole, but she explained that the troubles that I was having with my electronic and other funky things happening on the daily, were due to my energy. They say when I glow, I put out a LOT of energy. When I don’t, I also put out a lot of energy. It’s like energy bursts, and they do not work together all the time. My good and bad energy breaks things.

Cynthia explained that sometimes when you call on angelic forces or there are celestial forces that intercede in positive ways, their energy also plays havoc in your life.

I don’t dismiss this as a possibility. I just don’t know how much belief I put into it. That said, if anything helps dispel any of the crazy Subaru issues that I have happen, I’m down with letting them push it away.

Now, if you’ve reached this point of this post, I will say, CHEERS! This is A LOT to think about. Once again, you can pick and choose what you think and how you feel about anything I have written to this point. I will say, if it brings you comfort or a source to think of something different, “YAY!”….if it makes you research or look at something in a different light, “YAY.” If you think it’s a bunch of BS and you think lesser of me for entertaining such ideas, please keep it to yourself. I’m focusing on a positive energy only wave for now, and if you don’t agree with my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, non-beliefs, just wish me luck and peace in my endeavors…..keep your fingers double crossed for a new lemon law attorney for the cursed Subaru and leave it at that.

I wish you all nothing but the best, and I would be extremely grateful if you do the same for me.

Published by Sarah

The rapid correction of my hyponatremia led to a form of brain damage known as Extra Pontine Myelinolysis (aka osmotic demyelination syndrome). This blog is designed to bring attention and facts regarding hyponatremia and CPM.

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